Appropriately Named Athletes: Halloween Edition

It’s the spookiest day of the year and these athletes are well-prepared for the Halloween festivities. Let’s take a look at the athletes that may not need a costume because their name already suits the holiday. How many athletes should we steer clear of when the clock strikes 12:00? Why, the scariest of numbers of course! Here are the 13 appropriately named athletes for Halloween.

Note: In order to make this list, the athlete must have participating in their sport at least once in the past calendar year.

Honorable Mention

Every athlete that goes by “Scary Terry.” There are simply too many! Be on the lookout for a mischievous group of guys and gals named Terry lurking in the shadows.

#13: Jose Calderon

What do witches cook their potions and things in? Cauldrons. Is Jose Calderon a witch disguised as a basketball player? These are the questions we must ask in order to avoid being Hocus Pocus’d this Halloween!

#12: Damon “Snacks” Harrison

A 350lb monst- erm, I mean man that goes by the name “Snacks” isn’t exactly horrifying. Unless of course… you didn’t buy enough candy for trick-or-treaters this year. If that’s the case, you better hope that “Snacks” is busy with his early Thanksgiving preparations!

#11: Kevin “Durantchula” Durant

Just like the kid from the Haunted Mansion movie, I HATE SPIDERS. You mean to tell me that there is a 6’11 spider on the loose this Halloween?! Excuse me while I barricade myself in solidarity for the next 24 hours.

#10: Kevin “Slim Reaper” Durant

THE DURANTCHULA HAS EVOLVED! We are doomed this Halloween. A gigantic spider in an overcoat is upon us.

#9: The Washington Wizards

Oh come on! One wasn’t enough? Now we have an entire team of Wizards disguised as basketball players! They are among us…

#8: The Pittsburgh Pirates

I didn’t even know pirates lived in Pittsburgh! Apparently there’s a “team” of 25 pirates undercover as baseball players since 1891. They may be trying to fool us, but they usually disappear come October.

#7: Vladimir Guerrero Jr.

Sounds kinda vampire-y to me…

#6: Finn “Demon King” Balor

I’m sorry, he’s the what of what? Yeah, um, I’ll be avoiding Mr. Balor at all costs this Halloween.

#5: Tacko Fall

Have you ever dropped your tacos? Absolutely mortifying.

#4: Omari Spellman

Really?! He’s not even trying to hide it!

#3: Braun “Monster Among Men” Strowman

It’s literally in the name. We have been properly warned in advance yet we have not taken any precautions!

#2: Nikola “Joker” Jokic

Can you believe that Hollywood made a movie about a 7’0 tall Serbian man that wants to watch the (basketball) world burn?

#1: The Undertaker

Often described as macabre, The Undertaker is a supernatural being that has haunted the WWE since the 90’s. He will never abject to sending someone to Hell, burying them alive, setting them on fire, or even crucifying them in front of millions of people.

Who did we forget?

Are there any other athletes that we should keep an eye out for, figuratively speaking, this Halloween? Let me know in the comments below!

-Mitchell Seefeldt

• Keith Allison from Hanover, MD, USA [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons
• File:José Calderón 2013.jpg: Keith Allisonderivative work: Chrishmt0423 [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons
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• Mark Tegethoff [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons
• Pittsburgh Pirates [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
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• Miguel Discart from Bruxelles, Belgique [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons
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• https://www.flickr.com/photos/keithallison/ [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Keith Allison
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